True Friendships...

I have said it a few times before, but I am going to say it again. I did not grow up with long-term friends, I grew up going through experiences alone. And being alone was definitely one of the hardest experiences I went through. I have always been a very selfless person, someone who sets aside my own worries and difficult life situations so I can be fully there for others. And I never expected the gesture to be returned, but friendships are a two-way street. And honestly, I am sick of only driving down their lane. I try to be kind, selfless, and put others' emotions before my own because I was always taught to be a helpful person, someone who can be there with a shoulder to lean on and provide advice. And I am pretty tired of giving all my mental energy to everyone else and having only a small fraction left for my own crazy life.

These types of 'friendships' are hard, you can feel frustrated and annoyed with the person, even if they don't even realize they are doing it. They may think that the relationship is great because to them, they are getting everything they need. But to you, it is unfulfilled. And yeah, these relationships can be hard, but bringing up how you feel and confronting them about it can be harder. Especially when they didn't think anything was wrong at all. I have dealt with that, I still do sometimes, the confusion they have, and the questioning too. And as a selfless person, I want to say things like "I'm sorry... It's okay...I didn't mean to upset you" because I have this need to comfort them. But the important part of having this conversation is not comforting them, it's comforting your own heart and mind, and giving yourself the satisfaction of standing up for yourself and what you deserve.

The aftermath of these conversations is probably the hardest part because it can end in a few ways. They could listen, understand and comprehend what you are saying and feeling. They might get defensive, and mad that you aren't appreciative of them. Or, they could be silent and not want to talk about it at all. I have gotten all of those reactions before. And sometimes when they are defensive or silent, they leave, they don't want to put in the effort to fix it and be a better friend. And that sucks. But people come and go. Friendships can be made to only last for a short time. Because maybe they were there to teach you a lesson for future reference rather than be that forever support system you were looking for. It can break your heart when the people in your life choose not to fight for you. And I have learned the hard way to just let them walk away. Because I did my part, I tried to communicate, but they gave up the effort to preserve our friendship, which means it obviously wasn't as important to them as I hoped it was.

So, if you have a friend who you can't completely talk to about your life with, or maybe you are that person. Think about them, think about what you are getting from the 'friendship' and think about what you are or aren't giving. Because true best friends are sympathetic, good listeners, and will be there for EACH OTHER no matter what is happening. Instead of a road with lanes going straight for a million miles in opposite directions, think of a real friendship as a one-way traffic circle with no way out. A road with two lanes going the same direction, and both of you going the same speed, together.

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Lindsay Anderson

October 25, 2021